Thesis on divorce and spousal abuse
I refused to play the game and fund an abusive, biased system that was designed to heap abuse on men or fathers and, indirectly, innocent children. I was engaging with other men in similar situations. Their stories bore remarkable similarities: supervised visits with their children no overnights , assessments, loss of assets and practically kangaroo courts.
There seemed to be a pattern. Most of these fathers were experiencing the same thing. All my assessments were clear. They were shocked that I had been sent along by social workers. The social workers, my ex-wife and, consequently, the family courts, kept the pressure on. It was like they wanted me to break or relinquish all rights to my children.
Part 1: Dr. Greg Bahnsen’s Theses on Divorce and Spousal Abuse
I kept going back to court for more access to my children, only to be met with more and more false allegations. The nightmare was relentless. My children were suffering. I could see it. I could feel it.
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I was completely powerless. It was killing me inside. I was financially ruined but it was only money. Emotionally, I was running on empty. I pined for access to my children. My children pined for access to a good, decent, loving, caring dad. I now see my children regularly. We have a great relationship.
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But we still have a long way to go. The system is stacked against any father who dares to challenge the status quo. The system cares little for the children involved. They are merely pawns in a broken, money-hungry, biased and desperately corrupt kangaroo family court system.
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What was the turning point? How did I manage to stem the tide?
I took on my own case and began to show how my children were paramount and central in all of this. I was able to show that the chaos all around me was manufactured. My assessments came back as normal. I challenged social worker reports that were replete with lies and false allegations and appealed a Section 47 report regarding extended access to the High Court. I won my case and was awarded more extended access.
I took a successful case against a biased family court judge that resulted in them stepping down from my case. I remained steadfast in telling the truth and, always, kept the best interests of the children at heart. They advised me to seek immediate trauma counselling for emotional abuse.
I did. It really made a difference. I still have a long way to go. Daily life is a struggle. I am doing my best to pick up the pieces of my shattered life as I contemplate the prospect of long-term counselling. That weighs heavily on me.
I now realise that I am one of the lucky ones. I survived the onslaught that is the Irish family law system.
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I will continue to seek justice for myself and my children in a broken, dysfunctional and abusive system. I am now helping other fathers who are caught in the same inescapable trap. I know how hard and unjust the system is and I am aware that many, many fathers succumb to it. The writer of this piece has requested to remain anonymous.
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Domestic violence often occurs over a period of time. Victims of domestic violence will experience a range of emotions, including fear, reluctance, uncertainty, worry and stress. Anyone can experience domestic violence. Domestic violence occurs across all groups in society, regardless of age, gender, race, religion, sexuality, wealth or geography.
The majority of victims are women and children although research is highlighting the prevalence and context of male victims of domestic violence. It is estimated that one in four women will suffer domestic violence at some point in their lives. Domestic violence can happen to anyone. Victims of domestic violence can include, lesbian, gay , bisexual and transgender individuals. Help is also available from other agencies. While it is recognised and documented in research and statistics that the majority of domestic violence is perpetrated by men against women, it is also acknowledged and becoming increasingly recognised that men can experience violence from their female partners and in male gay relationships.
It can be extremely difficult for men to acknowledge they are experiencing domestic violence and the stigma and shame attached to the issue can be a huge barrier in accessing support. Everyone has a basic human right to live a life free from violence and abuse. For many men, calling the helpline is the first step they have made in talking to someone else about the problems they face, whether it is information or emotional support.
Research and statistics show that in the majority of cases, men perpetrate domestic violence against women. Domestic violence has its origins in power and control and is linked to issues of equality and gender. Deep rooted social traditions and values can contribute to the existence of patriarchal views that encourage men to believe they are entitled to power and control over their partner.
However, it is becoming increasingly recognised that men can and do experience violence from female partners and domestic violence can also happen in lesbian relationships. Research has shown that approximately one in four women have or currently experience domestic violence. It is therefore very common. Statistics highlight the prevalence of the issue in Northern Ireland.
Additional information on children, young people and domestic violence highlights their experiences. Domestic violence is not just a problem for Northern Ireland. Statistics indicate that domestic violence is a worldwide problem.
Research shows domestic violence occurs in all social, economic, religious and cultural groups. According to the Family Violence Prevention Fund , one in every three women in the world has experienced sexual, physical, emotional or other abuse in her lifetime. Global statistics provided in this report indicate a high prevalence of domestic violence no matter which country we focus on.
Examples include:. The effects of domestic violence are wide ranging and will differ for all victims. In some cases the impact of domestic violence is fatal. The obvious physical effects of domestic violence can include, physical injury such as cuts, bruising, broken bones etc. What is often not so obvious is the emotional suffering which can occur as a direct result of domestic violence. Such emotional suffering can have devastating effects on a victim which are prevalent in both the short and long term.
Victims of domestic violence will experience a range of emotions, including fear, confusion, uncertainty, worry for their children, instability and anxiety all of which make it increasingly difficult to leave the relationship. Recovering from the impact of domestic violence is a process which can be a long and painful journey.
Domestic violence is deeply rooted in issues of power, control and inequality. The reality is, however that it is caused by a misuse of power by one person usually male over another. Behaviour is always a choice and those who perpetrate domestic violence do so to get what they want and to gain control. Leaving an abusive relationship is a very long and difficult process.